The diary of actress Kim Soo-mi will be published as a book, with all proceeds being donated. The diary reveals her feelings of injustice over embezzlement charges and her struggles with panic disorder.
According to Yonhap News on the 12th, the diary that Kim Soo-mi wrote candidly from her 30s in 1983 until her later years will be released as a book titled “I Appeal to All That Kills Me.” Her family, having witnessed her suffering in her final years, decided to release the diary out of a sense of sadness and will donate all book royalties.
The late Kim Soo-mi’s writings show her determination to publish her diary. She expressed, “I fear the impact that the publication of this book may have on my family, but I have gained courage by accepting the Lord. I want to share my philosophy of life with those contemplating suicide and youth, to show how I have reached this stage of my life and position.”
The diary contains her inner struggles, her passion and anxiety about her work, and the joys and sorrows directed toward her family. The content varies, with some pages filled with prayers of gratitude, while others, in shaky handwriting, express her pain.
It is noted that Kim Soo-mi experienced extreme stress from a dispute with a company selling food products under her name just before her passing. This stress is documented in her diaries from October to November 2023. She wrote about the torture of each day and the anxiety of impending news articles, expressing fears that she couldn’t eat or sleep without medication.
This period overlaps with the legal disputes where her son, Jung Myung-ho, filed embezzlement and fraud charges against an associate of their family company, “Napalkkot F&B,” which subsequently released retaliatory articles. Earlier in January, Napalkkot F&B had dismissed Jung from his position and filed embezzlement charges against Kim Soo-mi and her son, generating numerous articles.
Kim Soo-mi wrote, “Lord, I have committed no sins,” and expressed her frustration with the media coverage. Her daughter mentioned that her mother was deeply distressed by articles and online comments, feeling ashamed and frightened despite her innocent appearance.
Kim Soo-mi also reportedly suffered from panic disorder during her later years. From January this year, she described her struggle, saying, “The suffocating pain of panic disorder cannot be cured with any medication.” On another occasion, she wrote about the difficulty, stating, “Panic disorder, it’s suffocating. Anxiety, fear, it’s truly the toughest time of my life.”
Her family expressed sorrow over her final appearance on a home shopping broadcast, which she was pressured into doing despite being advised against it due to her stress and panic disorder.
Throughout her diary, Kim Soo-mi documented her love for her work. Since debuting as part of MBC’s third open recruitment in 1971, she worked tirelessly for over 50 years, maintaining her passion for acting. She wrote about her dedication to her craft and her longing to perform.
The diary also revealed her affection for her family, with an entry in October 1985 where she vowed daily, “For you, my children, I will live earnestly.”
Kim Soo-mi desired peace above all else. In her 1986 diary, she wished for a serene life, preferring being a quiet, ordinary mother to a glamorous celebrity, enjoying simple pleasures like gardening and reading while waiting for her children to come home. In 2011, she expressed a wish for a house with a garden or morning glories climbing a wall, where she could write.
Meanwhile, her 49th-day memorial service will be held at 2 PM in Yongin, Gyeonggi Province. Her posthumous work, “Ghost Police,” is set to be released in January next year.